Content
8 min
Oct 6, 2026
The first 30 days with a nanny are a learning curve for everyone. Sometimes the transition is smooth; other times, it’s bumpy. Either way, I recommend setting aside time for a dedicated check-in at the 30-day mark.
At this stage, there may still be unanswered questions, routines being figured out, and children adjusting to someone new. A dedicated check-in gives families and nannies the opportunity to pause, consider how things are going, and discuss anything that may need attention while the relationship is still taking shape.
One of the biggest misconceptions about the 30-day check-in is that it is a performance review. It isn’t. It is a paid, collaborative conversation about how the children are doing, how the first month has felt, and how the family and nanny can work even better together. Neither side can know what the other is thinking unless they create time and space to say it.
Why the 30-day nanny check-in matters
"We talk every day. Why do we need a separate check-in?"
Almost every nanny I speak with says they want open communication with their employer. Most families want the same.
But speaking every day does not always mean there has been a real conversation.
Most communication happens while a parent is heading out the door, a child needs someone’s attention, or the nanny is getting ready to leave. There may be plenty of updates, but little time to step back and talk about how things are working overall.
That is the value of a dedicated check-in.
Parents know their children better than anyone. Nannies also spend long, focused stretches of time with them and may notice things their parents don't get to see. Both perspectives are valuable and together provide a fuller picture of what the children may need.
The check-in also creates space for observations, questions, and requests that have not come up naturally. Taking the time early on helps make open communication a regular part of working together.
How to set up the conversation
“How should I arrange our first nanny check-in?”
Schedule about one hour of paid time. Whenever possible, all parents should attend, and the children should be cared for elsewhere.
You could order dinner or take your nanny out for a meal. Think of it as a business lunch with someone who has become an important part of your family’s life. Keep a notebook handy to capture what comes up.
Give your nanny a few days’ notice so they have time to prepare, and make sure the invitation does not sound like something is wrong. Parents can say:
“Now that we have been working together for a month, we would love to set aside some paid time to talk about how everything is going. We can share what we have noticed, hear what you have noticed about the children, and brainstorm anything that could make the days work even better for everyone.”
How families and nannies should prepare
“What should we each bring to the conversation to make it worthwhile?”
No one needs to prepare extensively, but both sides should take a few minutes to think through what they want to discuss. This helps keep the conversation productive and ensures important things aren't left unsaid.
Questions for parents to consider
What has been going especially well?
What have we noticed about our children during the first month?
Is anything feeling unclear, inconsistent, or harder than expected?
Is there one piece of feedback we should not leave unsaid?
What would we value the nanny’s perspective on?
Questions for nannies to consider
What has been going especially well?
What have I noticed about the children?
Is anything making it harder for me to do my job well?
Is there any preference or concern I have not communicated?
Is there anything I need more clarity or feedback about?
Write down a few points. If something feels difficult to phrase, think it through in advance or ask someone you trust how to express it clearly and kindly.
A simple structure for the conversation
“How can we keep the conversation productive without it feeling formal?”
Parents should guide the meeting, but both sides should have equal room to speak. Follow these five steps:
Begin with what is working:
Share something specific that you have appreciated, then ask the nanny what they feel has been working well.
Talk about the children:
Ask:
“What have you been noticing about the children?”
“What has been going especially well?”
“Are there any routines, transitions, or behaviours you think we should look at together?”
Parents can then share their own observations, including anything they are working on or finding difficult. You do not need to present yourself as having every answer. Being open gives the nanny context and makes collaboration possible.
Share what could be improved:
If you have feedback, explain what you have observed and what you would like to see instead. Focus on the behaviour rather than making a judgment about the person.
Instead of saying, “You are not proactive,” try:
“I would love for you to plan some of the children’s afternoon activities. Is there anything you need from me to feel comfortable doing that?”
Then ask:
“Is there anything that has felt unclear or harder than expected?”
“Is there anything we could do differently that would help you?”
Brainstorm together:
Talk through ideas that could improve the children’s routines or make the working relationship easier. There’s no need to solve everything or commit to every idea during the meeting. Some things deserve time to think about.
End with the takeaways:
Recap what each person would like to try, what still needs thought, and anything you want to revisit in the coming days.
Both sides should leave knowing what they are taking away from the conversation and what happens next.
Dos and don’ts for a successful nanny check-in
“Are there any common mistakes we should avoid during the check-in?”
Do
Be honest and specific. Say what you have observed, why it matters, and what would be helpful.
Listen before responding. Make sure you understand what the other person is saying before you explain or defend yourself.
Take notes and follow up. You may not have a solution immediately, but coming back with an idea shows the conversation mattered.
Don’t
Don’t skip the check-in. Small, fixable concerns often become larger when no one addresses them.
Don’t turn it into a surprise negotiation. Raises, major schedule or hour changes, and changes to the employment agreement deserve a separate conversation.
Don’t take every comment personally. Feedback about someone’s work, home, or child can feel sensitive, and people may not phrase everything perfectly.
Don’t say there is no constructive feedback without reflecting. Constructive feedback does not have to be negative. There is almost always something worth clarifying, encouraging, or continuing.
You don’t have to prepare alone
“Can nannyhaus help us decide what to bring up and how to say it?"
If nannyhaus made your match and you know something needs to be discussed, you can come to us for a second opinion.
We know both sides, how the role was structured, and what you each hoped for when the placement began. If you are unsure whether something is reasonable, how to phrase it, or whether it points to a bigger issue, we can help you decide what to bring up and how to approach it.
One honest conversation can resolve some concerns. Others may reveal that something more needs to change.
Our support does not end when the search does. Families and nannies can reach out at any point in the relationship, preferably while a concern is still small enough to work through together.
The conversation matters more than getting it perfect
"What if giving feedback feels uncomfortable or comes out wrong?"
In the many nanny reference checks I conduct, families often share areas where they wish they had seen improvement, even after working with their nanny for years. Often, that feedback was never shared.
In some cases, an earlier conversation may have saved the family years of frustration and given the nanny the opportunity to improve before the concern appeared in a future reference.
Nannies also deserve a real opportunity to be heard. When every handoff feels rushed, their preferences, concerns, and requests can go unsaid for months or years. It should not be up to the nanny to find the perfect moment. As the employer, the family should create dedicated, paid time for both sides to speak openly and keep the relationship strong.
Of course, knowing a conversation is important doesn't make it comfortable. Giving and receiving feedback is a skill. The first few times, the words may not come out as clearly or kindly as you hoped. Give yourself some grace. You can clarify, revisit the conversation, or try again.
Whether the first month has felt smooth or bumpy, the check-in gives both sides the chance to build the open communication they want.
This conversation is only the start. What matters is knowing that both sides can keep speaking honestly as the relationship grows.
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